Our Adoption Story

Just talked to Cindy

2009-09-29T19:01:00.000-07:00

Well, we just had another conversation with Cindy, the birthmother. Ben got to join us this time which was really important to her. :) We got some insight to her situation and what she is thinking...it was really helpful for us to see why she is choosing adoption. She did have an ultrasound today. They changed her due date from 11/1 to 12/2...She thinks she is going to have to have a repeat c-section, but she forgot to ask the doctor when she was in on Monday. She said that the baby was moving all over and he is definitely still a boy! :) She also said that she would like us to be at the hospital for the birth. Everything is going great! :)

Emily

I've been a really bad blogger....

2009-09-27T17:15:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I've been horrible...BUT, I'll try to be better...as most everyone knows on September 1, 2009 our lives changed for the better! I'm going to start at the beginning................

I was out getting Luke off the bus, and normally, I take my cell phone and my book...just in case I get a phone call (which rarely happens). This day, I forgot to take my phone out with me...and it could have been a bad thing. After I got Luke off the bus, I started cooking dinner (pork chops, rice, asparagus and salad). Something told me to check my cell phone...I had a missed call. Weird, but I figured it was my mom (LOVE YOU, MOM!!! :)). When I checked, it was the adoption agency....I figured that they were calling because Ben's physical had "expired" and they were going to tell me that we needed to get it to them asap. I called, and ask for Rosalind, the SW at out Texas office, and she asked if I was sitting down....I said, "no, should I be?" She said, "maybe...you've been chosen by a birth mother!" I pretty much lost all ability to hear at that point...LOL...but I remember her saying that I needed to talk to Colleen, who would be our SW for the rest of the time..........

A little about our birth mother...her name is Cindy, she's 24 years old. She's got 2 kids already. She has a 7 year old and a little girl who was born in January 2009. If you go through my blog, you'll see that the reason that I was apprehensive about domestic adoption was because I was afraid we wouldn't be chosen because we have Luke...well, that's the reason that we were PICKED! Since she has a 7 year old and he loves having a baby sister, she thought that Luke would love having a baby! I'm so glad Luke is one of the reasons she picked us...and I'm not even sure how to explain why. :) Another reason she liked us was because she liked that I work part-time from home during nap/bedtime.

When we talked to the SW, she gave us the due date of 11/27 and gave us the news that she was giving birth to a little BOY! :) So not only were we chosen, we knew we were having a boy and he was due in less than 3 MONTHS!! We were SO happy!!! :) The SW told us we'd be getting Cindy's paperwork and medical records overnight to us, asap...so we waited...We received them and read through them (actually, more like obsessed over them). I took her medical records to my OB/GYN to review. Everything looked great! We called the agency back on 9/4 to accept the case...Now the hard part waiting!

Once we'd accepted, I was obsessing some more over the paperwork, and noticed that the due date given by her doctor was 11/1...Cindy said originally it was 11/27...a bit of a difference, and concerning because she is going to have a repeat c-section. If she had the c-section 1 week before the 11/1 due date, the baby COULD be born 5 weeks before his due date (if it really is the 27th...) Are you following me? LOL. So she's having another ultrasound to confirm the due date and assess the baby...

I'll really try to do better about updating this!!!

Emily :)

Today's events...

2009-04-01T17:13:00.000-07:00

So today is the day...we sent all of our paperwork, our portfolio, and a huge chunk of cash into the adoption agency in Texas. Our social worker in Ohio has been given a few changes that need to be made to our homestudy. When I spoke to the agency in Texas, she said as soon as they receive our paperwork, portfolio & money they will start showing our profile to prospective birth mothers. Things are starting to heat up, and we're hoping that things move quickly & smoothly. I emailed with the agency in Texas, and she said that since we are open to race, it will probably be shorter than 6 months, but could be up to one year. A YEAR! I think it's finally sunk in that this is happening, and possibly quickly! :) I'll try to do better with my updates now that things are starting to move.

More to come...

The portfolio is done & printed!

2009-02-27T12:53:00.001-08:00

After my mom & I did the portfolio, I had to work up the courage to take it to FedEx/Kinkos to have it copied....I was so scared! But I did it. When I went to pick it up on Monday, it looked HORRIBLE! I refused to take it. I was so disappointed, I even considered just picking it up and making 3 more of the same thing...by hand. But Ben told me "no" and to have them try again. We went and picked it up today...Ben went with me. It looks much better, and they gave it to us for FREE! Yeah! It should have been well over $50 to have it printed and bound, but since they screwed up, we got if free. :)

Also, our homestudy is done. I mailed the check to the agency in Ohio so they could send it to the agency in Texas! All we have to do is go to the notary tomorrow to get some stuff notarized, and get more fingerprints. Something I've been thinking about...if I get arrested, I get my fingerprints taken "free" but if I want to help a child have a better life, I need to pay $5 per person/per card to have fingerprints, THEN I need to pay $48.xx each person to have them checked out! Are you kidding me? So annoying. But we'll have to do that early next week, so I can get it all in the mail. We'll be sending a big chunk of cash then, too...But they'll be showing our portfolio to Birthmothers! It's scary & exciting all at the same time!

More later..

The latest...

2009-02-13T09:54:00.000-08:00

There's been movement on the adoption front!! Over the weekend, my mom and I put together our portfolio. At first, it was very stressful for us, but once we got going, we did great. I, personally, think it looks wonderful! :) We had fun, and it looks "bright & cheery" which were the requirements. I hope it's "bright & cheery" enough for us to be chosen my a birthmother. So, now I have to get a scrapbook and make copies of it to send to the agency.

Also, our social worker in Ohio (we have one in Ohio for our homestudy and one in TX at the agency), sent us a list of things we would and wouldn't consider in an adopted child. This form is also for foster parents to fill out, in terms of who they want to allow into their home...So after printing out FIVE pages, all the pages have TWO columns of "disorders" or "issues" that you have to say will consider or will not consider. Holy cow. Really. I can't even tell you how horrible of a person it makes you feel saying you wouldn't accept a child with some of the things listed, but I can't imagine taking in a child that is terminally ill or has been jailed for rape, crime using a weapon, MURDER...seriously? How many people check will consider to these? Fortunately, I emailed the social worker, and she said that they aren't going to use THIS checklist to match us to a child in TX. Also, when we do get chosen by a birthmother, we have the choice of whether or not we want to accept or decline the baby. We'll get her medical records and decide if it's the right fit for us.

I'll update again, soon...

Another update...:)

2009-02-03T05:46:00.000-08:00

I'm getting better! :) So my latest update...after meeting with the social worker, we called the agency with a few questions. Being the "sales" rep that I am...I pulled a "Ben" and asked her if we paid half of the big chunk (the agency fee) that they need to start showing our profile, would they be willing to show it...if we committed to getting the other half to them when Ben gets his bonus...She said YES! So, I've got to get the profile done & the dear Birthmother letter (which is still causing anxiety)...I'll also be calling the references that they sent me, but I'm nervous about that, too. I don't like the "unknown," can you tell???? I think I'll do it while Ben's home, so we can do a 3-way call and both ask the questions and get the answers. I think things are often lost in translation. So, we're off an running. Right now, I've got to finish paperwork, I did the taxes so we could send those in, get the profile done, and do the dear Birthmother letter...Doesn't sound like too much...

I'll keep you updated...:)

The social worker visit...

2009-02-02T06:12:00.000-08:00

Look at me...2 updates in about a week! I promised I'd be better. :) So, Johnna, our social worker, came for a visit Saturday. She's SUPER nice, and we've got a great rapport. She, THANKFULLY, gets Ben & Luke's sense of humor. She cracks up at Luke...LOL. So, anyway...she asked us a bunch of questions about our house (per the homestudy requirements), she asked us what we do when we fight (which I'm surprised didn't come out earlier), and if we went to church. Luke was sitting there when she asked that...We KNOW we need to go, but the thought of finding a church we like is so daunting that it just hasn't happened...yet. It will. I promise, we need to do it. So, Luke pipes up with, "No, we don't go to church because we don't want the pressure, and we have a Super Bowl Party tomorrow!" WHAT?!?!?!?!!? Ben & I just looked at each other, Johnna started cracking up, Luke just was as serious as could be...She also asked Luke where our "meeting place" was in case of a fire...As he continued to play with his playdoh at the table and not answer her, Ben & I looked at each other in a panic. I KNEW we talked about this, repeatedly, after he went to Safety Town...but would he remember??? Finally, he looked up and said, "We'll all meet at the mailbox, when we're all there, we'll cross the street to Miss Kathy's house." Ah...it stuck! We were both very proud of him!

Our next task is doing the "dear Birthmother" letter...which I'm having a REALLY hard time with and our portfolio which they give the birthmothers to look at while choosing a family. I feel like at this point it's so real, and it makes me nervous...the questions start coming...what if we don't get picked? what if no one likes us? what if she changes her mind? I'm working on my positive attitude. The social worker reassured us we'll do fine...:) We'll "look great on paper." So, now the tricky part...making that happen. We're also waiting on a couple of forms from Johnna and the agency to fill out and Ben's bonus...UGH. I'm hoping & praying that it will be here March 15, NOT March 31...the sooner the better...I'd love to have everything in by the time we go on vacation in March...That would make for a RELAXING one...:)

More later...

Updating from under the snow...

2009-01-28T14:06:00.000-08:00

Ok, so we aren't UNDER the snow, but it sure feels like it! We have around 12 inches on the ground. We usually get missed by storms, but this year, it seems like we've been hit a lot! Mostly just the light stuff, but it still needs shoveled. :(

As for the adoption...we've got the social worker scheduled to come out on 1/31 at 3:00pm. She'll be able to changing our international homestudy into a domestic one. I spoke to the agency in Texas today, and they're so nice! Rosalind (the social worker in TX) was really helpful! :) We have our application in and it was received...I forgot to add photos of our house & our floorplan so I am sending those out tomorrow. Besides that, we're just filling out more paperwork. We have lots of filling out still to do, but it's easy stuff. We're praying that this goes fast!

I'll update again soon! :)

An update after a hiatus...

2009-01-09T12:05:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I've been told by several people that I haven't been very good at keeping my blog current...I know...but when I type things out, it makes them seem real. Sometimes, I don't want to deal with reality. We'll start with something that has very little to do with me, but it's a happy note just the same! I'm an Aunt again! Yeah! My sister had a baby girl on December 8 (could it have been any closer to MY birthday???) 7lbs 2oz, 4 weeks early...Olivia Joan (pronounced Joanne). She spent some time in the NICU because the little stinker would hold her breath, but she's home now and thriving...and working on the sleeping thru the night...

On the adoption front...are you ready for more indecisiveness from the Stephen family? We'll here it goes...We found an agency in Texas (San Antonio) that has an immediate need for families willing to adopt full Hispanic babies. Since, originally, we were going to go with Guatemala, we were planning on adopting a full Hispanic baby...we're going to change agencies. We're awaiting the paperwork and information from them. I spoke to the Director on Wednesday, and she was SO nice and really willing to talk to me about my questions and their procedures. I know you may thing, "Of course she's going to be nice...she wants to be chosen..." But trust me, I've talked to more than one agency that hasn't been friendly AT ALL! I immediately rule them out, because I'll be dealing with them for a LONG time, even after the baby is home...we'll be in contact with them about certain things. So...right now we have an email in to our Social Worker, and we are hoping she can come visit us again to change our homestudy from International to Domestic. I hear it's not that difficult, but they still want $600 for it...which is annoying. Oh well.

I know at the beginning of this journey I was so against domestic adoption for fear they wouldn't pick us because we have Luke, our biological son...but I've been told otherwise by so many people. I'm excited about domestic now because I'll know that this baby (boy or girl) will be loved from the minute it is born, and I'll know what it is being fed, the attention it'll get, etc. With adopting a child from an orphanage, you never know how they were treated, etc. We're excited to be able to give a baby the same things we were able to give Luke, right from the start, and that's important to us.

So there you have it...I promise I'll update more often, now that we have a really exciting plan ahead of us...:)

We're in with the domestic agency...

2008-11-08T10:20:00.000-08:00

We got our letter yesterday saying we are in with the domestic agency! Yippee! On December 4, we have an Orientation & Education thing with them from 9-4...it'll be a long day, but I think it'll be very valuable! Our old agency needs to send our current homestudy to our new agency, and guess what...there's a fee to do it! What a surprise...because it's going to be tough to load it into an envelope & send it...I'd be more than willing to pay shipping, but really, it shouldn't have a "fee" associated with it...that's annoying. The good news is that we have most of the stuff that they'll need for the domestic homestudy included in the international one. Ideally, the domestic one will go quickly, so we can get in the profile stage, so our info can be given out to potential birth mothers...then we're going to need major prayers! Heck, we need them now...:) I'm a little nervous about doing the profile...I want it to look good and sound good and make it so we're picked...I'm worried about that...:(

In other news, I've been told that I need to have my gall bladder out...interesting, but not surprising...I've been having it tested for the last couple weeks, and the last test came back that it was only working at 21%. They let it get to 35% before they take it out, and mine is not even close to that...so it'll be coming out.

A doozy of an update...

2008-10-28T05:06:00.001-07:00

Ok, so this is going to be major! I'd drag it out, but I don't want to frustrate anyone...:) On Saturday, we met with a Domestic Adoption Lawyer. After talking it out with her, with a friend that has recently adopted, and eachother, we've decided to adopt domestically...right here from Ohio! Our MAIN concern is that the birth mother (*bm*) would change her mind and decide to keep the baby. This would leave us heartbroken, obviously, but that will heal. If we adopt internationally, and there are attachment issues, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, or some other lifelong issue that comes with being institutionalized for a year or more, we are going to live the same heartbreak day in and day out forever...We've also been told that if a *bm* would change her mind, the agency would most likely work long and hard and quickly to get us another *bm* so that the heartache doesn't last long. Also, with domestic, we'd get a 72 hour-ish old baby rather than a 12-24 month old baby. I think this would be good for all of us. So that is the update. We're researching our options for domestic agencies. The lawyer gave us the name of 2 of them, I've contacted them and we're waiting for a response...I'll keep you posted!

Just a short update...

2008-10-21T12:15:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to do a quick update...there isn't much happening on the adoption front. We are in a holding pattern until I get some more paperwork in to the agency. Last week, we flew to Florida on Monday, as Ben's grandpa passed away. We were there until Saturday morning, rushed home from the airport, just in time for Luke's last soccer game. He was EXHAUSTED. We flew out at 7am, so we were up at 4am! He was a trooper, and didn't skip a beat! He started talking at 4am and didn't stop until he crashed in his carseat on the way home from the airport. :) Can you imagine the joy of the people around us on the plane! On the ride from Tampa to Charlotte (said by Luke as "Char" like I've burnt something, instead of like "Shar"), Luke asked me how he got in my tummy! YIKES! The lady in front of us was cracking up! I wasn't, but at least he was entertaining someone! I thought by adopting, we'd not have these types of questions...boy was I wrong. I tried to answer it by telling him "God put you in there" (I've heard that's a good response), but that didn't appease him...:( I tried many a time to change the subject, then resorted to bribery! LOL. I told him if he fell asleep, I'd give him a dollar. :) He's motivated by money, obviously...he PRETENDED to sleep, complete with snoring. Lovely.

So, once I get the paperwork in (it's financial stuff) we should be on our way. Oh, and somewhere back in an earlier post, I mentioned that we'd choose China if we could change if Guatemala opened back up and we can...So, for now, we're going with China...stay tuned. Also, on Saturday (I think) we're going to meet with an adoption lawyer that deals with domestic adoptions. I'm not sure how I feel about domestic right now, but I'm sure after talking to her, I'll have a better (or worse) feeling towards it. It might be the quickest way to get little sister at this point...we'll keep you posted! :)

Not much happening on the adoption front...

2008-10-01T11:37:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd do a quick update...even though no one has access to this blog yet! :) I'm almost ready to put my life out there...Right now, we're just waiting on the home study to arrive so I can mail our INS paperwork and a chunk of money! I also completely forgot that I need to have Child Abuse Registry letters come from Michigan for both Ben & me! UGH! I've got the forms filled out and they'll go in the mail tomorrow...it said that it takes 5 days to get them back, but we'll see. The Ohio ones took A LONG TIME! So once those are sent, I'll get the dossier together and then we'll just be waiting....and waiting....and waiting....It's fine. I know going in there will be a happy ending and Luke will get to see the Great Wall of China (and so will we, but he's very excited about it already!).

In other news, Luke's doing great in school! He loves his teacher, Miss Taylor, and has a little girlfriend...:) I volunteer on Thursdays, and it's SO cute to watch the kids! He got his interim report last week and he got all check marks...on the "Needs to work on part" there were no check marks!! So he's doing pretty well! He loves their "specials" (ie gym, library/media, art, music & computers). I think his favorite is art, and last week they learned about van Gogh! It was so funny listening to him tell us about him at dinner! He's still a little sponge & soaks up everything he hears!

As for Ben & me, we're keeping busy! Ben's getting into his new territory at work which has it's challenges, but he's liking it. I've been working part-time from home (at this point it's VERY part-time) and knitting my scarves to sell! Thanks to my sister for all the sales she brings me! We're hoping to use that money to take with us to China! By the time we go, we're hoping to have a nice chunk! If you know anyone interested in a scarf, please let me know! :) I knit them for both toddlers & adults and have lots of colors!!

That's about it for now! Hopefully, next post will be a little more exciting! :)

I think we've decided on a country!

2008-09-22T18:07:00.000-07:00

Finally! It's been since we started this process, February 2008, that we've been trying to officially choose a country. Well, let's face it, it's still not official, I've got to get a physical with a "clean bill of health." I've got to go to my OB, rather than my Primary Care Provider to get it, but I don't think it'll be a problem. :) If all goes well, then we're going with China. Poor Luke has been through the ringer on this...for show & tell, he wanted to take pictures of "the cool Russian buildings" from where his sister is coming home...Today, I told him that I'm almost certain that she'll be coming from China, an he looked at me like I'd lost my mind...again. :( But he's been adjusting well to all of this, I think he's at the point where he just wants a sister. Home. Now. While we all feel like that, I think that Ben & I had a lot more to take into consideration that just getting her here...price no object. So as of this posting...it'll be China. The good news is, once we get our homestudy finalized and our INS paperwork in, we aren't going to be changing. I hope. :)

Hurricane Ike and this weeks events...

2008-09-19T14:21:00.000-07:00

So Sunday afternoon, about 2 hours after I got home from grocery shopping for the week, we got the reminents of Hurricane Ike...A HUGE wind storm. The meteorologists say winds were over 75 miles per hour! About 4:05 pm, we lost power. UGH! We thought it was fun at first, digging out the candles and flashlights...thinking it would definitely be on when we woke up in the morning. We redid sleeping arrangements...Luke slept in our bed with Ben & I slept in Luke's bed. Let me just tell you, Luke will be getting a new mattress! :) When we woke up on Monday morning, we still didn't have power. :( There was no coffee to be had...very bad news, especially after sleeping in Luke's bed...listening to the neighbors generator going all night! We made our way north into the "city" of Delaware, only to find huge trees down, completely uprooted! It was crazy! We ended up getting breakfast (read: coffee) at Tim Hortons...we thought for SURE the electricity would be on by lunch...um...nope...ok, dinner...um...nope. We had Arby's for dinner. Another healthy meal! Luke had a soccer game, and we were optimistic driving home because new traffic lights were working...Well, we were WRONG...still no power! At this point, I was ready to be done! It's not like we were dying to watch tv or do laundry or anything major, it was the fact that we couldn't even if we tried! I would have done anything to cook a meal! So FINALLY at 4:28 pm on Tuesday, we got power back! I cooked dinner on Tuesday night and we all loved it. It was pasta & sauce...we could find no cold/frozen food near us! We had to throw out all the cold stuff I got at the grocery store 2 hours before the power went off...:(

On the adoption front, we're still trying to find out if China is an option for us...due to some "things." I don't want to post details here, don't be worried, they aren't bad things...just things...:) Is that a good description? The good news we got our birth/marriage certificates that we ordered last week. Mine was supposed to take 4-6 weeks, but it got here in a week! That's good news. Once they decided if we're going to go forward with China, we've got to get our INS paperwork in to get approved. Our social worker is putting the finishing touches on our homestudy and going to send us out a draft...I'm a little nervous to see our life in writing through someone elses eyes. Especially since Luke told her I eat bonbons all morning & sleep all afternoon! Let me just say, maybe he's a mind reader and that's what I'd like to be doing...but it's not what I get to do!

Our first garage sale, country changing & soccer...

2008-09-13T18:05:00.000-07:00

Today, we had our first garage sale! It was SO much more work than I thought it was going to be...but it was worth it. We got rid of some stuff that NEEDED to go, and some people got some things that they needed...cheap! :) It was a family experience, as Luke sold bottles of water because the weather was hot & muggy! He sold 8 bottles and stole one! ;) Over all, we brought in nearly $200!

We've also give up on making a commitment to a country...it's so stressful trying to decide. We were 100% sure we'd be bringing little sister home from Russia, but then last night, as I was trying to drift off to sleep, I was having a panic attack...I don't "see" Russia as the right choice. There are pros & cons to both Russia & China, but I wish Guatemala would just open back up! It makes it such a pain. A couple of the reasons that are leaning us away from Russia are:

1. Length of time in Russia (2 trips; one 7 days, one 10-21 days) we can't pull Luke out of school for a month! China it's a 2 week trip...that's it. That's a HUGE reason. He's so interested in the adoption and bringing home his sister that I would feel HORRIBLE taking it away from him...:(

2. Cost. Russia is nearly double China...and one reason is the 2 trips that are required...

3. I'm scared of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. I know there are great doctors that can pinpoint it by looking at a photo or video of the child, but what if they miss it...It really scares me...

The MAJOR plus for Russia is that it's way faster than China...That is the only reason we'd pick Russia...I don't think that is a reason to choose it...Also, when I was younger, I always wanted to adopt an Asian little girl...now's my chance, so why am I wavering? UGH! I really think that China is where we'll be going. I've got an email into our agency that poses this question:

If we're going with China, and during the 28 month wait, Guatemala opens back up...can we switch back to Guatemala?

That's the million dollar question...if the answer is YES, we're sold. That way, I know that we'll be getting a little girl from one of those places...

On a less stressful note, Luke had a soccer game today! This is his second game, and it looks like he "gets" it now. Last week, he was more interested in the number of trains that went by than on the game...but this week, he SCORED A GOAL!!!!! :) It was VERY cute! He's also a really good sport. When anyone on his team scored, he cheered & high-fived them...very cute!

That's all for now...I need to sleep!!!

The first post...

2008-09-11T13:09:00.000-07:00

So Ben & I decided we needed to start a blog to keep our family & friends up-to-date on the adoption. After our 10 yr. anniversary cruise, we thought we were set on adopting from Guatemala. We visited a couple of countries in Central America, and I just felt like it was the place for us...until yesterday, when that was pulled out from underneath us. Guatemala has decided to halt ALL International Adoptions. UGH. Now back to square one...we'd ruled out every other country for some reason, so we sat down & talked about it. Narrowed it down almost immediately to Russia & China. We talked it out, voicing our concerns and the benefits of each and FINALLY came up with a decision..."little sister" will be coming to us from Russia! We are all very excited and overwhelmed. We went from HOPEFULLY Guatemala opening up late next year to probably bringing her home by the end of next summer! :) There is lots of paperwork, but we can't do anything but sit and wait until our Social Worker finishes up our home study. Our first step is our INS (Immigration & Naturalization) paperwork. Once that is turned in, we can start our dossier preparation. Since we're going to Russia, we have two dossiers to do. One is to be turned in before we make the first trip (to meet little sister), and the second one need to be done shortly after we get back from the first trip, so we can prepare to go on the second trip to pick her up! More to come...